Monday, 31 January 2011

Power & Control Wheel

Why did you call it the Power and Control Wheel?
Battering is one form of domestic or intimate partner violence. It is characterized by the pattern of actions that an individual uses to intentionally control or dominate his intimate partner. That is why the words “power and control” are in the center of the wheel. A batterer systematically uses threats, intimidation, and coercion to instil fear in his partner. These behaviours are the spokes of the wheel. Physical and sexual violence holds it all together — this violence is the rim of the wheel.

Sleeping with the Enemy

This intense obsessive jealously further imprisons her so she doesn't dare look at anyone or talk to anyone. The movie Sleeping With the Enemy illustrates this behavior. Her friends feel uncomfortable visiting her so they begin to withdraw. They are afraid to make things worse for her. They only make things easier for him. Now the only voice she hears is belittling and shaming her, telling her no one would want her and blaming her for everything. She is his property now. Especially if they've gotten married..he has papers on her now. All of this along with verbal abuse sets the stage for physical abuse.

The Fog

Fear, Obligation and Guilt

You Will be Sorry

"It doesn't matter how you play the game as long as you do not lose."


"It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game",

Saturday, 29 January 2011

Categorical Imperative

Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end. ”
—Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysic of Morals

Sunday, 23 January 2011

In a Land of Wolves and Thieves

Now, he's hell-bent for destruction, he's afraid and confused
And his brain has been mismanaged with great skill
All he believe are his eyes
And his eyes, they just tell him lies.

Well, you're on your own, you always were
In a land of wolves and thieves
Don't put your hope in ungodly man
Or be a slave to what somebody else believes.

They took a clean-cut kid
And they made a killer out of him
That's what they did.

Everybody's asking why he didn't adjust
All he ever wanted was somebody to trust.

They took his head and turned it inside out
He never did know what it was all about.

He had a steady job, he joined the choir
He never did plan to walk the high wire.

Saturday, 22 January 2011

Highway Chile

Now some people say he had a girl back home
Who messed around and did him pretty wrong
They tell me it kinda hurt him bad
Kinda made him feel pretty sad
I couldn't say what went through his mind
Anyway, he left the world behind
But everybody knows the same old story,
In love and war you can't lose in glory

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Strategies to Handle Difficult Conflicts (Bully Free At Work)

Strategies to Handle Difficult Conflicts

Dear Andy,

Not all conflicts can be resolved. However, would you like to know some tips to help you resolve more conflicts that might border on bullying but are more 'difficult' as opposed to actual bullying in the workplace? Here they are:

1. Avoidance

A refusal to engage or solve.
Most prevalent.

A very obvious verbal attack occurs, and the target, due to fear, simply walks away (but they wished they could have 'done something').

While this obviously is not a good way of dealing with difficult situations or bullying, it is worth being considered as a strategy for when the conflict is 'just not worth the effort' of being addressed. It is also worth it to walk away when the power balance between individuals is not even and saying something might make things worse.

2. Accommodation

Taking the conflict and submitting.
Going along with the conflict by seeing it as more advantageous to support the other person at this time.

Listening to unhelpful criticism and believing it.

Very frequently used, especially where there is low confidence and self-esteem. This is another poor method of dealing with difficult conflicts at work, but it may do if you know that there is a solution coming soon, or you believe submitting may get you further.

3. Compete

You push hard to get your own way in the conflict, without regard for the other's needs.


You are very upset with someone, and when they try to explain their situation, you cut them off and over-explain your point in order to gain control.

This can be very useful when the conflict is mild and you are passionate about your stance, but can lead to a vicious circle as the conflict escalates.

4. Compromise

This is more win-win, and requires the goodwill of both parties. You don't give in to the conflict, but rather work out a solution somewhere between the two sides.


One person wants to order a type of food and the other person wants another type of food. Both compromise and order something totally different.

This can lead to the downfall of the actual solution leaving none of the sides happy. Sometimes no one wins.

5. Collaborate

The most useful tactic, particularly with extreme conflict and workplace bullying. The aim here is to focus on working together to arrive at a solution, where both sides have ownership of and commitment to the solution.

Example 1:

You and someone else are at completely opposed viewpoints over a project. You sit down and work out why they believe in their point of view, and explain your own. Clever and lateral thinking can provide a solution, which answers both sides, but is not a compromise.

Example 2:

Someone is being difficult at work. You talk to this person using the strategies below and collaborate on modifying their behavior.

Use this strategy when the goal is to meet as many of the current needs as is possible. This can be the most difficult strategy if confidence is low, as it involves naming the issue to the conflict-creator, which can cause anxiety and fear.

To collaborate successfully on an issue such as continuing conflict you need to follow a few basic guidelines:

You must recognize that (maybe) part of the problem is your own fault: you allowed it to happen and did not try to address it to begin with. You can state this aloud and actively take part of the responsibility, as this will put the onus onto the other person to take the other part of the responsibility.
Remember that we frequently don't like in others what we don't want to see in ourselves, but occasionally find anyway. Be very sure that you have not committed the same conflict/offense.
Manage yourself during the resolution attempt - learn calming strategies if you are hot-tempered, or confidence boosters if you are shy. Try not to be emotional, as emotion will only make things escalate, and put a further wedge between parties. It is your responsibility to manage yourself; anything less, we are putting our unnecessary 'stuff' on the other.
Maintain eye contact and use your body language to convey your belief in what you are saying. Don't fiddle with something nervously, don't cross your arms protectively, and don't put yourself on a lower level than the other person (such as sitting on a lower chair). Our body language shows our heart. Is your heart showing the desire to collaborate?
Don't believe that the best defense is a good offense - that is part of the competing strategy. Comebacks and not acknowledging another's point of view are also part of competing: listen to the other side as they have just as much of a right to share as you do. Seek first to understand.
Work the issue, not the person: this means addressing the behavior rather than the entire existence of that person. There is a different level of ownership for behaviors, and people will take less offence if you address their behavior than if you criticize them personally. Never lay blame, as this will only fan the fires. Check your heart: can you separate the person from the performance?
If you are not getting anywhere, ask for further information from the other person about the reasons for their behavior, but don't ask the questions with 'why' at the beginning - if you do, this will actively put the other person under the spotlight and they will get defensive.
PS: If you sincerely feel you cannot resolve a conflict due to being very emotionally upset, then own this fact and ask for forgiveness of not being able to resolve the conflict at the moment. These are your emotions and they must be owned by you. Again, separate the person from the situation. This allows us to have hope in moving through difficult situations.

Above all, remember that people who enjoy creating conflict are ultimately power-seekers who enjoy controlling others. Frequently this is because either they have suffered in a similar way before, or feel that they have very little control over their own lives and they do anything they can to feel in control. A little compassion will take you a long way both in resolving the situation and in putting it behind you when it is resolved. After all, what is the alternative? It's time for extending the olive branch...but be careful it doesn't get burned off!

Valerie Cade, CSP is a Workplace Bullying Expert, Speaker and Author of "Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To Stop Workplace Bullying Now!" which has been distributed in over 100 countries worldwide. For presentations and consulting on workplace bullying prevention and respectful workplace implementation, go to

You have permission to use the above article in your newsletter, publication or email system. We ask you not to edit the content and that you leave the links and resource box intact. © Bully Free at Work. All rights reserved.

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Friday, 14 January 2011


Xeer is accepted by the people. You cannot deny that. It is a strange culture, the Somali culture. But there is a beauty to it. All agreements are reached and all disputes are resolved through consensus.

Xeer, pronounced [ħeːr], is the polycentric legal system of Somalia. Under this system, elders serve as judges and help mediate cases using precedents. It is a good example of how customary law works within a stateless society and is a fair approximation of what is thought of as natural law.

This an extreme right wing tribal patriarchial de-centralised society.

Thursday, 13 January 2011

To be nobody but yourself .... e.e. cummings

"To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else

- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight - and never stop fighting." - e.e. cummings

but .....

The Guards are guarding against people contravening the Universal Morality and the laws of the land.

The Bully is going to bash you unless you are just like him. The Monster is going to bash you anyway. He is nobody but himself and he likes ...bashing people.

The Herd of Elephants are after a little bit more territory and the Mouse does not want to be trampled or squirted at.


We have the ability to determine what we value and act upon it.

We can alter our perspective of the present and vision our future.

We have the power to choose.

We can base our priorities on something beyond instinct.

We can use our resourcefulness to remain 'civilized' regardless of how difficult the circumstances.

What separates our species from the 'wild kingdom' is more than our opposable thumb.

© 2011 Gail Pursell Elliott

Edward Estlin Cummings

Edward Estlin Cummings (October 14, 1894 – September 3, 1962), popularly known as E. E. Cummings, with the abbreviated form of his name often written by others in lowercase letters as e.e. cummings (in the style of some of his poems), was an American poet, painter, essayist, author, and playwright. His body of work encompasses approximately 2,900 poems, two autobiographical novels, four plays and several essays, as well as numerous drawings and paintings. He is remembered as a preeminent voice of 20th century poetry, as well as one of the most popular.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Golden Age

The term Golden Age (Χρυσόν Γένος) comes from Greek mythology and legend and refers to the first in a sequence of four or five (or more) Ages of Man, in which the Golden Age is first, followed in sequence, by the Silver, Bronze, and Iron Ages, and then the present, a period of decline. By extension "Golden Age" denotes a period of primordial peace, harmony, stability, and prosperity.

The Titans (Titanic struggle)

In Greek mythology, the Titans (Greek: Τιτάν - Ti-tan; plural: Τιτᾶνες - Ti-tânes) were a race of powerful deities, descendants of Gaia and Uranus, that ruled during the legendary Golden Age.

In the first generation of twelve Titans, the males were Oceanus, Hyperion, Coeus, Cronus, Crius and Iapetus and the females were Mnemosyne, Tethys, Theia, Phoebe, Rhea and Themis. The second generation of Titans consisted of Hyperion's children Eos, Helios, and Selene; Coeus's daughters Leto and Asteria; Iapetus's sons Atlas, Prometheus, Epimetheus, and Menoetius; and Crius's sons Astraeus, Pallas, and Perses.

The role of the Titans as Elder Gods was overthrown by a race of younger gods, the Olympians, in the Titanomachy ("War of the Titans") which effected a mythological paradigm shift that the Greeks may have borrowed from the Ancient Near East

The Twelve Titans:
Oceanus and Tethys,
Hyperion and Theia,
Coeus and Phoebe,
Cronus and Rhea,
Mnemosyne, Themis,
Crius, Iapetus
Children of Oceanus:
Oceanids, Potamoi
Children of Hyperion:
Eos, Helios, Selene
Daughters of Coeus:
Leto and Asteria
Sons of Iapetus:
Atlas, Prometheus,
Epimetheus, Menoetius
Sons of Crius:
Astraeus, Pallas,
Perses (not Perseus)


Eris (Greek Ἔρις, "Strife") is the Greek goddess of strife and discord, her name being translated into Latin as Discordia. Her Greek opposite is Harmonia, whose Latin counterpart is Concordia. Homer equated her with the war-goddess Enyo, whose Roman counterpart is Bellona. The dwarf planet Eris is named after the goddess.

Humpty Dumpty (Revisited)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.[1]

The rhyme does not explicitly state that the subject is an egg because it probably was originally posed as a riddle.[1] The earliest known version is in a manuscript addition to a copy of Mother Goose's Melody published in 1803, which has the modern version with a different last line: "Could not set Humpty Dumpty up again".[1] It was first published in 1810 in a version of Gammer Gurton's Garland as:

Humpty Dumpty sate [sic] on a wall,
Humpti Dumpti [sic] had a great fall;
Threescore men and threescore more,
Cannot place Humpty dumpty as he was before

The alternative (=original) version has an different answer to the riddle.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Friday, 7 January 2011

Pigs v Magpies

Cops and Robbers


INXP may very well be a Magpie, Cuckoo, Crow, Raven, Jay, Chough, and are thought to be average sort of clever animals.
They are usually thought of as cheats and thieves rather than Police Officers.

Cops (Pigs ISXP) v Robbers (Magpies INXP).

Lawyers (Eagles INTP)


The Chimera or Chimaera (Greek: Χίμαιρα, Khimaira, from χίμαρος, khimaros, "she-goat") was, according to Greek mythology, a monstrous fire-breathing female creature of Lycia in Asia Minor, composed of the parts of multiple animals: upon the body of a lioness with a tail that ended in a snake's head, the head of a goat arose on her back at the center of her spine. The Chimera was one of the offspring of Typhon and Echidna and a sibling of such monsters as Cerberus and the Lernaean Hydra. The term chimera has also come to mean, more generally, an impossible or foolish fantasy, hard to believe.

The important (and confusing) part of the Chimaera is the goat looking backwards.

Thursday, 6 January 2011

Human Nature

Ethology (from Greek: ἦθος, ethos, "character"; and -λογία, -logia, "the study of") is the scientific study of animal behavior, and a sub-topic of zoology.

Instincts are the inherent inclination of a living organism toward a particular behavior. The fixed action patterns are unlearned and inherited. The stimuli can be variable due to imprinting in a sensitive period or also genetically fixed. Examples of instinctual fixed action patterns can be observed in the behavior of animals, which perform various activities (sometimes complex) that are not based upon prior experience, such as reproduction, and feeding among insects. Sea turtles, hatched on a beach, automatically move toward the ocean, and honeybees communicate by dance the direction of a food source, all without formal instruction.

Human nature is the concept that there is a set of inherent distinguishing characteristics, including ways of thinking, feeling and acting, that all humans tend to have.

The questions of what ultimately causes these distinguishing characteristics of humanity and how this causation works, and how fixed human nature is, are amongst the oldest and most important questions in western philosophy. These questions have particularly important implications in ethics, politics and theology because human nature is seen as providing standards or norms that humans can use when judging how best to live either as individuals, or members of a community. The complex implications of such discussion are also often themes which are dealt with in art.

Andy Horton (me) surmises that human beings have an inherent cognitive way of thinking that varies according to personality. Behaviour does not follow from thinking because of social constraints. Also, humans have a ability to change their cognition if they want to.

Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Goblin Market

Goblin Market is about two close sisters, Laura and Lizzie, as well as the goblin men to whom the title refers, and another girl named Jeanie.

Although the sisters seem to be quite young, they live by themselves in a house, and are accustomed to draw water every evening from a stream. As the poem begins, twilight is falling, and as usual the sisters hear the calls from the goblin merchants, who sell fruits in fantastic abundance, variety and savour. On this evening, Laura lingers at the stream after her sister has left for home. Wanting fruit but having no money, the impulsive Laura offers a lock of her hair and "a tear more rare than pearl."

Laura gorges on the delicious fruit in a sort of bacchic frenzy, then comes to her senses and, after picking up one of the seeds, returns home. Lizzie, waiting at home, and "full of wise upbraidings," reminds Laura about the cautionary tale of Jeanie, another girl who, having likewise partaken of the goblin men's fruits, died just at the beginning of winter, after a long decline.

Night has by then fallen, and the sisters go to sleep in their shared bed.

The next day, as Laura and Lizzie go about their work in the house, Laura dreamily longs for the coming evening's meeting with the goblin men. But at the stream that evening, as she strains to hear the usual goblin chants and cries, Laura discovers to her horror that, although Lizzie still hears the goblins' voices, she no longer can.

Extract from a longer explanation: